I'm Emma,
or Wynniemaru. ^_^
I started learning to paint digitally in 2009.
Since I was apparently decent at drawing I thought buying a graphics tablet would give me the complete freedom to express whatever I wanted. The same old drawings I'd been doing my whole life, mainly of my characters, but this time blazing with colour and 'aliveness' like the fine digital art I found on dA.
I wanted to get popular. I don't know anyone that age who doesn't want to get popular.
I thought all that shit required was a graphics tablet. I thought I'd finally get to start adding colour without any of the messiness, the awkwardness I'd encountered with 'real paint'.
I thought I got colour and just needed to start using it.
I wasn't expecting a whole lot of work.
My Intuos 3 arrived. I was thrilled. I sat down comfortably. I picked up the fancy new pen, opened photoshop. I waited for something to happen. I tried to project something wonderful onto the canvas with my mind, like that artist from Heroes. I made a cup of tea, and that was the beginning, the beginning of my life as a hardened tea junkie.
I sat down again.
I waited for the muse to fly through me, for the creative juices to bubble up and take control of my hands, my vision...
This is what came out that day.
I actually went through some pretty weird, dark years after that.
If I'd been assessed by a shrink they might have said I was a withdrawn, driven and obsessive character who'd just discovered I wasn't as naturally talented as I'd been told my entire life. Of course I was going a bit mental.
My social life was one long thread of alone time punctuated by a few deeply embarrassing real-people encounters; a little family conflict sprinkled on top. I hardly got any exercise. I didn't dance anymore. There weren't any distractions, just a bit of escapism in the form of video games and music. Truth be told, I just wasn't very happy. I'd been pinning my entire worth as a person on this one thing, this one gift of mine that I'd hoped would carry me through, whatever happened.
One of the most harmful things you can say to a child:
"Wow honey, you're so good at that! You're a natural!"
It makes you think you're just good at it. It makes you think you'll continue to be good at it your entire life; you don't have to put in any work. I thought I could just pick up digital art immediately and become a professional painter within a couple of weeks.
The greatest thing I've ever learned since then about art and about life in general is that you can do anything if you practice it. You can pick up a violin the first time and have a bit of natural talent going on, but you'll never be better than the person who was crap when they started and strived to get better.
You'll improve faster if you practice fearlessly and intelligently,
but whatever you do,
practice
and you'll get better.
Rayna in 2009,
Hikari in a similar setup, 2012.
The weird thing is I felt more nervous posting the Hikari image, after three years of practice... nervous of whether or not it was good enough.
But that's a discussion for another day.
I no longer sit down and expect myself to paint. I've come to understand there's no real mysticism to it: it's just a long, often difficult series of decisions, one after another, made easier by the accumulation of visual and muscle memory. You can't sit back and wait for it to happen, you have to engage with the process and make it yours. It's magical when it goes right, but it isn't a magic. Learn the skills, learn to see, and practice, practice, practice.
Enough of this,
Onto the crappy art!
I started colouring this traditional sketch with a mouse, before my tablet arrived.
I spent HOURS on that face. Not sure I used enough grey?
I gave up on the rest of it.
Looking back, I can see that's because I never really had any idea where it was going.
I was just trying to render nice.
I decided I wanted to become a badman character designer.
She kinda looks like a 90s school dinner stain.
An attempt at riffing it without a scanned sketch.
I think I was experimenting - seeing if it came out less shit if I made the lines white.
One day I decided the secret to good skin was using a brush with
AS MUCH TEXTURE AS TECHNOLOGICALLY POSSIBLE.
More upsetting fluffy skin in various shades of grey.
I actually quite like the hair in this one!
I think it's because I used reference for it, like a normal person.
No.
I don't care anymore.
I worked hard, I got a bit better and I'm still making horrific paintings that would chill your blood and smash your computer screens if I shared them.
The difference is I now see my failures as a positive thing. And one bad painting is a lot more interesting and a lot more vital to the learning process than no paintings at all.
It's the best feeling ever to look at a painting you gave up on a month ago and see exactly what it is you were doing wrong. It's the clearest indicator that you've actually improved.
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